Post 5 Pivotal Moments

Once again, we were faced with moving to a new place.  This new place my mother chose was a trailer park, a short-lived but pivotal part of my life.  I remember hating and being embarrassed by renting a trailer in a trailer park, waiting at the bus stop for Kindergarten with all of the other "trailer trash", at least that's how I felt at the time and had heard the term more than once.  My mother was busy dating, going to bars, working...everything except being a mother to my brother and me.  The family next door babysat children, it was an older wife and husband couple who kept multiple children from the trailer park.  I don't remember exactly how many others they kept as the only memories I have of "others" are of one particular boy and girl who were my age.  Being together everyday after school the three of us grew to be close friends.  The older teenage daughter of the babysitters was also almost always there after school.  She seemed nice enough at first, allowing the three of us to play in her room.  I don't remember exactly how the abuse began, but I remember saying to her one day I was going to tell my mom and she physically picked me up and slammed me down onto the floor railing of her closet door which gashed open my head.  I remember her voice as she laughed and told me she would kill me if I said anything to anyone, that my mom and dad didn't care about me and that no one would ever believe me over her.  The next morning, I cried and begged my mom not to make me go to their house...she ended up making me spend the night as it was Thursday night with the girls at the club...at that moment I chose to never tell my mom and still never have to this day.
  I remember her making us touch her, she would fully undress and lay on her bed. It was confusing and awkward to five year old me.  If we wouldn't do as she asked, we would get hit by her and it was a blow you felt for a long time afterwards so we usually complied.  I remember the first time she made D take off his pants, how much he cried, we all cried often but she didn't care.  I honestly don't remember how long the abuse took place, but I can honestly say I had never been happier at hearing my mother saying she was moving in with another boyfriend...I got away.